How do I get my child back?
Working with DCF
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The Ongoing Worker is the main DCF person who will be working with you. Your worker will arrange visits and keep you in contact with your child. They will work with you to develop a Family Action Plan. They are responsible for completing the Family Assessment and reporting your progress to all the other people involved in your case.
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First impressions matter. Your worker can be your greatest ally or your greatest obstacle in getting your child back. The court system values their opinion because they are the person working with you consistently.
If you take your anger and frustration out on your worker and fight against your action plan, then the worker will report this to the judge. You risk the entire system seeing you as a difficult parent and one who is not trying to get their child back.
If you think of your worker as a partner in getting your child back, they will think of you as cooperative and actively working to change your life in the best interest of your child. Then the system is much more likely to speed up the reunification process.
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DCF wants your child to be safe and healthy. You should want this too. Talk to your DCF worker and tell them if you are worried. If you can, talk with the foster parent about what your child needs. Tell your lawyer if you need help. DCF can help with rides, helpers, coaching, referrals, and sometimes with housing or immigration.
It is your job to contact the worker to find out about your child. Share any concerns you have about your child with your worker and consider talking to the foster parent to help them understand what your child may need (if that is allowed).
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Every worker has a particular communication style that works best for them. Be sure you understand how your worker wants you to communicate with them.
Ask your worker for their business card, and ensure it includes all their contact information. Ask them when their “duty day” (office day) is. This will be the best day to actually talk to them on their work phone.
Get their supervisor’s contact information.
In case of emergency, call the main office and ask to talk to the Duty Worker or the Supervisor.
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DCF workers are very busy and have large caseloads. Give them at least 72 hours to respond to you.
Often, they are only able to listen to their messages briefly as they are rushing in and out of their office. They will get the message, but may call back after they have time to return your phone call right away. Social workers are expected to respond to and return all phone calls.
When you leave a message, be short and to the point. Leave your name, the best way to contact you, and what specifically you need them to do. The longer your message, the less likely they are to respond.
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Keep all appointments that you have made. If you can’t make it to an appointment, call the worker or their supervisor to let them know. Leave a message.
Family Action Plans and Permanency Goals
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The Family Action Plan is a list of things DCF wants you to do before your family can be together again. You should work with your DCF worker to pick what is good for your family, ask to add things, or ask to change things if they are too hard. Each parent has their own plan. Older kids might have tasks too, like going to school or following rules. The plan might also say what DCF, foster parents, or programs need to do. DCF must try hard to help you get your family back together. They will help you get the services in the plan. If you have a disability, the plan should have ways to help you take part. You also have the right to get services and talk in your own language.
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Talk to your lawyer if you and your worker disagree about your action plan. It is your right to show the action plan to your lawyer before signing it.
If you disagree with some parts of the plan, you may still sign it. Make sure to write your concerns or disagreements right on the plan. This shows that you have read and discussed the plan and are trying to work on it.
Once you sign the plan, you need to follow it and take responsibility for completing the action plan on your own.
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The permanency goal is the long-term plan for your child. When DCF places a child in foster care, almost always the goal is “return home.” If you have been involved with DCF in the past, or rare occasions, DCF may select “adoption” or another goal. You can officially object to the goal through the Fair Hearing process.
DCF can change the permanency goal any time, but usually it gets changed at the Foster Care Review or after DCF has a Permanency Planning Conference.
DCF holds internal permanency planning meetings. You and your lawyer are NOT invited to this meeting. You do have a right to know the result of the meeting and why DCF decided to change the permanency goal.
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There are five possible goals:
Return home
Reunification with another parent
Adoption
Guardianship
Usually with another relative
Living independently
Usually for older teenagers
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After a child has been in DCF custody for over a year, DCF starts doing “Concurrent Planning,” which is creating a plan for adoption or other outcomes as a backup if reunification doesn’t work out.
Family Time
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DCF will determine the Family Time plan based on the needs of each child. If safety is not an issue, a plan will be set up using the following DCF policies:
Regular and frequent Family Time
First visit to be within working days of your child’s placement with DCF
Minimum of one visit per week
When siblings are not placed together, DCF will set up a schedule of ongoing Family Time between them if it is in their best interest
Family Time visits can take place at a Family Resource Center, a Visitation Center, or other public places such as parks or restaurants. Where you will meet depends on a number of things such as safety, staffing, and privacy concerns.
If you disagree with your Family Time schedule or location, you can advocate for your family’s needs. You have the right to work with your worker to find a mutually agreeable time. Focus on how changes benefit your child, not just yourself. Talk to your lawyer if you disagree with DCF’s plan for Family Time.
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In-person contacts are a time for you and your child to be together. Your ongoing worker will observe your interactions and will report their opinions to the judge.
Remember, your child is waiting for you. They need to see you whenever possible. It is very upsetting for your child if they expect to see you and you do not show up.
Be on time. Communicate if you are going to be late. Some DCF workers will cancel in-person contact if you are more than fifteen minutes late.
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It may be awkward or uncomfortable when you first see your child. Neither you nor your child knows how to act in this new situation.
In-person contacts are a time for you and your child to be together. This is also a time for your ongoing worker to observe how you and your child interact. They will be watching your visit and their opinions of what they observe will be reported to the judge and impact the outcome of your case.
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Follow the guidelines your worker has given you about what you can and cannot say in front of your child. In general, parents are not supposed to talk about the court case with the child or specifics about when the child will return home.
Keep the conversation simple at first. You might ask your child about their day and what they’ve been up to. Let your child know that you love them and that you’re always thinking about them.
Managing Conflict
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You should be treated with respect. If you feel that your DCF worker or any DCF staff person is not respectful or is in any way being unfair, follow the complaint process.
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Remember that the DCF worker is a very important person in your case. DCF workers are people, too. Some you will like, and others you may not.
Always be polite and respectful toward your DCF worker.
Try to be honest with yourself about how you don’t like your worker. Try to talk to your worker and, if possible, to work out your differences. If that doesn’t work, try talking to your worker’s supervisor. They are part of the team to help your family. If you honestly feel you cannot resolve your differences, you can request a new worker.
Changing your DCF worker may cause delays in your case and is not always guaranteed. It can be difficult to have a new worker assigned.
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There are people who can help advocate for you with DCF. Some DCF offices have a “Family Advocate.”
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Make sure you tell your lawyer if you have any problems with your DCF worker. Your lawyer’s job is to help you with DCF. If your lawyer knows about your problems, they can help you better.
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If you have a problem with your DCF worker or your case, talk to your lawyer first. Your lawyer can help you figure out the best way to say what’s wrong and if you should make a complaint. If you do make a complaint, write down what your concerns are, when you told someone, and what happened after.
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STEP 1:
Address your concerns with your worker verbally and in writing.STEP 2:
Address your concerns with your worker’s supervisor verbally and in writing.STEP 3:
Address your concerns with your Area Program Manager and/or Area Director verbally and in writing.STEP 4:
Address your concerns with the DCF Ombudsman verbally and in writing.
Focus on You
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Each journey is different, and your child will most likely be integrated back into your life gradually. It might start with weekly supervised contacts for an hour in a public place and work its way up to unsupervised visits, overnights, and even weekend stays.
It might feel painfully slow, and it can take years. Don’t give up! This is the process because everyone wants to be sure that your child is safe and that you have support systems in place.
Learn from our experience. Find people you can trust. Talk to them about how you feel. Start planning how you will get your child back home. Lots of new people will come into your life, and hopefully you will be able to create long-lasting supports to help you manage the challenges of reunification.
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Don’t worry about the other parent or other friends or family members. Just think about what you need to be healthy and strong. Focus on you.
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In order to take care of your child, you must be able to take care of yourself. You will need your emotional, mental, and physical strength to advocate effectively for your child and for yourself.
Reach out to other parents who have shared similar experiences for support, advice, information, and friendship.
Check out Rise Magazine at risemagazine.org. There, you can read stories about other parents who have gone through similar situations.
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You have a lot to learn about yourself, DCF and the courts, and the people trying to help you. Join a support group, find a counselor or, if you are AA or NA, find a sponsor.
Your worker can also be a good resource for you. They can give you information about housing, domestic violence, treatment for substance use, parenting, employment, or whatever else you may need. Your worker can also refer you to a variety of groups and programs that will meet the goals on your action plan.
Family Resource Centers are there to support families when they have a crisis or need help. They will be able to connect you to many of the resources you may need. To find your closest Family Resource Center you can go to www.frcma.org.
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You may be scared, frustrated, and lonely. You may feel like you don’t have anyone you can trust. Do not give in to stress by doing things that may make the situation worse, such as drinking alcohol, doing drugs, or screaming at DCF workers, court staff, or the judge. It’s ok to feel your feelings, just don’t take them out on anyone.
Find healthy ways to manage your stress. Cry, scream, curse, work out, clean, meditate, pray, talk to a friend or support line, attend an AA/NA meeting. Do whatever gives you relief in a healthy way. Join a support group or parenting group in your area. Do this before DCF tells you to do it or before they put it on your service plan.